Have you ever dated someone in high school, only for the both of
you to part ways after your high school finals? You both must have
wished you could still keep the relationship as hot as it was when you
were still together.
Maybe...just maybe yours didn't go this way. It could just be that
you met your date who came down from school for the summer holidays,
and you just may not see him till new year's eve, because he's gone
off to pursue some college degree.
Or maybe, you both have long been friends, developed feelings for
each other, and then this event comes crashing down between the both
of you, sending you miles apart, physically.
Now if you were in anyone of these shoes, what would you do? Would
you take your bestie's word which would likely be-" abandon the
relationship and move on, he's not coming back, you don't know what
she is doing over there"(Most are guilty of this here in Nigeria).
Would you allow your Mama get under your skin, with all that nagging
about your wasting time on a useless parole. Or would you bluntly
deafen your ears, throw your hands in and hold on to that
relationship?
Long distance relationships are difficult, yet possible to keep
alive. Possible because a real relationship founded on mutual
familiarity and trust can stand the test of time. But then, it takes
the determination of the partners involved, and their ability to make
the right choices and take the right decisions. The truth many don't
know is: Long distance relationship when handled the right way, has
higher survival chances than short distance relationships. Even
science has proved this. Remember-"distance makes the heart grow
fonder". A few "right" steps could go a long way keeping that
"sweetheart" living ten hours flight away from you in your life.
1)First, get to know each other: This is the first crucial step,
assess your knowledge about your partner, what do you know and how
much do you know. For example, he could be the "ever smiling type" but
are there things that could piss him off? Is she the type who hides
her pains with humour and smiles? What are his interests? What are his
likes? Do you in anyway share similar goals? What's his relationship
with her family and friends like. Is he a "mummy's boy"? These are
probing yet important questions that would make sure you're not left
in the dark.
Then, just try not to forget some little details about your
partner. Who wouldn' get impatient with a partner who can't even
remember his or her birthday?
2)Communication: This is key to maintaining the link while you both
are on the road. This has also been prescribed by a group of
researchers in Human psychology. Frequent Communication ensures that
the partners know and understand themselves more, how much they need
each other, set dates to see each other in person, and their daily
schedule. Think of how many times you would meet in restaurant to talk
about your day if she were near you, what positive effect it would
have. Its just the same if you're far apart.
Made easy with technology: If you had been living in the 19th or
20th century, then you would to write letters and wait a long time for
them to be posted. But right you could find out if your loved one had
a bad day just seconds after asking.
Now what I'm saying is this: The digital media provides you with
unlimited communication power through, audio and video calls, text
chats. The internet is crowded with social networks. Just agree with
your partner on the one to use. Remember, be flexible in your
comminication, and understand your partner's schedule. He or she may
just prefare voice calls, or video calls other than working the
fingers off on a chat. Lol
3)Share everything over the line: create an atmosphere with your
partner that help you talk about anything. Its not a taboo if you tell
him or her about some guy or lady colleague or winked at you during
office hours. Or a guy who asked you out after lectures at school.
Argue that it may spark jealousy, but go on to make him or her
understand, that despite the distance, you're still into him or her,
and you're not ready to let down your guard.
Just know that every conversation shouldn't be "official" stuff
(you understand?). Flex out, be free, discuss your shopping
experience, an interesting story a friend told you about another
"friend". Ask him his opinion on your personal secrets. This fosters
the feeling that the both of you are sharing a home. Don't forget to
send pictures of that flower vase you just bought, or the dinner you
just prepared.
4)Sort out your relationship: Now, this is the difficult part, and it
comes after you've discovered the both of you have a few common
interest. Ask the question, what kind of relationship are we into? Are
dating, just seeing each other, am I his girlfriend/boyfriend and
those he see me as one? Are we on the path of engagement and marriage?
Get the terms of the relationship. Did I hear you ask that? Why
not! every relationship has terms. Are you allowed to see other
people, are we going to be having sex? These may look haywire, but
then it should save you from a broken heart. In all don't forget to
find out what is expected from you as a partner, and what your partner
sees as the future of the relationship. Think positive about your
partner always and expect good from the relationship.
5) Surprises: Just as it applies to those in short distance
relationships, it just applies to you. Unpredictability will go a long
way in spicing up your link. Go out of your way to make your partner
know you adore him or her. It could be a flower sent during office
hours, a post card, a teddy or romantically worded love letter. All
these will always bring smiles to the face, and will be marked as
memorable moments. But try not to over do it. Don't go fussing around
bombarding you partner with gift, so the gesture doesn't become just
common.
6) Do things together, even from a distance: an essential part of
sharing is sharing your activities. You could plan to watch a
particular tv show or read the same book at a particular time,while
having a chat about what you're doing.
7)Support each other: Get the best out of your relation by creating a
form of interdependence on each other. Help your partner handle
crucial issues, regardless of the distance. Deserting your partner, or
leaving him or her to handle it alone will only prove, they could
exist completely without you. An advice or any other aid, even from
the distance will show your partner that you truly care.
8)Work to build trust: All of these will be vain if not backed up by
solid trust. Studies have proved that a relationship begins to crumble
when little lies are told. Be truthful and open to your partner,
especially in matters that concern the health of your relationship.
And try to avoid things that would make you lie to your partner. For
example, if you know he or she would would be talking to you at a
particular time, just make sure you're not found in questionable
places like clubs or parties at that time. But if you do find yourself
there, just tell him or, and remind the person how great it would have
been if you were together there.
9) Create other connections: Its not just enough to connect with each
other, make efforts to connect with other people he or she may be
involved with. Get to know the person's family, friends, you could
also help your partner create new relationships by helping him or her
link up with people you think he or she may share interest in some
areas. So many couples have gone on to find long lasting family
friends, and crucial business connections with this step.
10) Get to visit each other regularly: That you stay apart doesn't
mean you would never see each other at all. Its necessary you make
arrangements to see each other often. Decide who is going to visit,
and for the short time you're together, don't ever allow dull moments.
Enjoy the company of each other. Get involved in activities that will
create those beautiful memories you could reminisce on when you're
apart.
Remember, your partner is still human, and could still make
mistakes, understand and forgive. Give the relationship more of your
time and efforts, and you may never regret you did!
Do you have questions or comments? Just anything you say could
be of tremendous contribution to someone out there. Make sure you
share this post too! Have a nice day!
